How to Support a Colleague During Their Divorce

With nearly one in two marriages ending in divorce, it’s likely you’ll encounter a colleague going through a split at least once during your working years. Etiquette for engagements and weddings is pretty standard, but professional guidelines around divorce are murky at best. As a family law practice, we’ve learned what people appreciate about their colleagues as they navigate this tough period in their lives. Here are five ways to help a colleague going through a divorce: 

Understand Their Situation is Unique 

Even though divorce is fairly common, no two situations are alike.Divorcées tend to get bombarded with war stories about other people’s divorces, receive more than their share of unsolicited advice, or get Pollyanna pep talks about how many other fish there are in the sea. Know that whatever they’re experiencing is unique and personal to them, and they’ll appreciate your awareness and understanding. 

Let Them Set the Boundaries 

If a colleague lets you know they’re getting a divorce, let them set the boundaries for their preferred level of privacy. Work may be a safe haven where they can turn their attention away from their personal life, and it’s a relief for them not to talk about it. Or, they may love a trusted, friendly ear. Either way, let them tell you how much or how little they want to discuss it. 

Put New Work Strategies in Place 

Divorce can be time consuming, and it’s highly likely your colleague will need additional flexibility. If their divorce is contentious or complicated, they’ll need to step out for mediation and/or court appointments. If they’re moving out of their home, they may need time off to look for and move into a new place. You can help by providing them the flexibility they need, covering meetings, and pitching in on projects. Keep in mind their situation is temporary, and they’ll be able to return to status quo work strategies in the future. 

Help with the Tactics 

Beyond the emotional side of divorce, there are a lot of tasks to manage. At the workplace alone, they may need to change their email address to their new name, revise emergency contact information, update beneficiaries on workplace retirement accounts, change insurance plans, and so on. These seemingly small steps can become an extra headache. Rather than saying “let me know if I can do anything,” offer to help in tactical ways, such as “would it help if I downloaded the HR forms for you so you don’t have to search for them?” 

Consider Your Role 

If you’re a manager and one of your direct reports is in the midst of a divorce, you may actually have some legal obligations to provide “reasonable accommodations” to your employee (laws vary from state to state, and it’s best to check with HR on specific policies). If it’s your manager going through a split, set up some time to see where you can provide additional coverage, and also who you can go to with questions if they’re out of office. And in any role, keep in mind that it’s not just your colleague’s relationship that’s changing - their financial status, child custody arrangements, living situation, and social life are also changing.  They’ll greatly appreciate your support during this time. 

At Artese Zandri, we work with clients as they navigate through all aspects of their divorce, including the various ways in which the divorce process can impact their roles in the workplace. Contact us at consultations@artesezandri.com with any questions.