Divorce and The Holidays

Newly married couples and newly divorced couples have something in common during the holiday season - they both need to figure out how to navigate holidays in the face of changing family dynamics. For newlyweds, this means deciding how to split time between each side of the family, and create new traditions while honoring the old. For newly divorced couples, this usually means disentangling the family traditions and starting over as exes. 

With the holidays upon us, here are some considerations to help divorcing or recently divorced couples celebrate the season. 

Managing Emotions - The holidays can be a stressful, busy time even in the best situations. A divorce can compound holiday stress even further, and emotions can be all over the map. Some newly divorced couples may feel isolation and loss, and others may feel relief and a newfound freedom they haven't experienced in years. It’s important to acknowledge and accept whatever you’re feeling as valid, and give yourself extra space for self-care. 

Managing Former In-Laws - There is no single formula for managing former in-laws. If a divorce is amicable, the couple may choose to still spend time with each other’s families, or if a divorce is contentious, they may decide to completely cut off all contact. Couples with children will likely have continued interaction with their ex’s side of the family, and it’s typically easiest to keep the focus on the children and not the former relationship. 

Adjusting After the Division of Assets - While the holidays are about much more than material things, it’s not uncommon for one or both partners to miss having access to sentimental items or assets they used to share. For example, if a married couple spent holidays at their second home every year, and that home was sold as part of the divorce agreement, it’s natural to grieve the loss of that tradition. To move forward, be grateful for those memories, and start to shift toward creating new experiences. 

Visitation with Children - If children are involved, holiday visitation schedules are typically settled as part of child custody agreements. Proactively incorporating holiday schedules into a parenting plan can prevent misunderstandings and make the holidays smoother for all involved. These arrangements can change over time as children get older and have different needs, or the parents’ situations change, such as remarriage or relocation. For the sake of the children, it’s helpful if both parents mutually support the children’s relationship with the other parent (and extended family). Your child/children will thank you later.  

Rebuilding - There is a period of adjustment that follows any major life event. The first holiday season or two will seem unfamiliar, but there is also opportunity in the unfamiliar. Allow yourself the time to experience any loss or change, but also know that you have new traditions and holiday celebrations to look forward to in the future. 

At Artese Zandri, we represent and counsel clients on family law issues. If you or someone you know is considering divorce, reach out to us at consultations@artesezandri.com for a complimentary consultation.