Advice on Successful Marriages - From Divorce Attorneys
At Artese Zandri, we’re a group of family law attorneys rooting for marriages to succeed. Although one of our primary services is helping people navigate the process of divorce, we love to see strong, happy relationships last. Over the years, we’ve been privy to quite a bit of intel on what helps a marriage thrive and what might make it unravel. Here are four insider tips on strengthening a relationship.
Go Back to the Beginning: Remember the “when, what, and how” of your early relationship, and why you first fell in love. This is especially important since every trait has a mirror side to it. For example, someone who is annoyed by their partner’s workaholism may have once fallen in love with them for the flip side of this exact same trait - because they were ambitious, responsible, and reliable. Thinking back to why you first decided to commit to each other can help you both remember the positive aspects of habits you may now find less appealing, and then work together to resolve any concerns from a place of love rather than irritation.
Avoid Comparison at All Costs - You may be touched by the bouquet of flowers your spouse brings home for your anniversary, until you see your friend on Instagram getting whisked off to a getaway beach weekend for her anniversary surprise. The famous quote “comparison is the thief of joy” definitely applies to marriages. While it can be easier said than done, avoid trying to keep up with the Joneses or measuring the happiness level of your marriage by external standards.
Go on First Dates: Date night is an evergreen marital best practice for a reason, but you can amp up the benefits of a date night by treating it as a first date. The longer the marriage, the more people assume they already know everything there is to know about their significant other. Ask your partner some first date questions on a regular basis - Where would you like your career to be in five years? What’s next on your bucket list? What kind of music do you listen to these days? You may be surprised at the answers, and if not, you will still have the opportunity to bond at a deeper level, the way you did as a new couple.
Know that Divorce isn’t Failure - While we are here lauding “successful” marriages, it’s important for both partners to understand that the opposite of a happy marriage isn’t a failed marriage. Moving away from serious issues like abuse, infidelity, or toxic manipulation is certainly not failure, it’s a show of self preservation and strength. Even if there are not serious concerns and two people simply drifted irreversibly apart, it can mean you both experienced personal growth, and exiting the marriage allows that growth to continue. This point of view can take pressure off a marriage, which in turn strengthens it.
The bottom line - we’re cheering for every relationship out there! And if a marriage does come to an end, we’re here to do everything possible to make the divorce transition as smooth, civil, and seamless as possible.
At Artese Zandri, we have extensive expertise in family law, including the process of separation and divorce. If you or someone you know is considering a divorce, reach out to us for a complimentary consultation at consultation@artesezandri.com.