Why I Love Collaborative Prenups

I am a pretty big advocate of prenuptial agreements. Couples get to choose the way the law will apply to them if their marriage ends. The cost is miniscule compared to a divorce without a prenuptial agreement, and the process often uncovers areas of opportunity for partners to discuss expectations and potential outcomes in advance. What is not to love?  

Well, even the loudest advocate must admit that we cannot entirely eliminate the awkwardness of presenting the subject, or the first draft, of a prenuptial agreement to one’s partner. Even in those relationships where one partner alerts the other in the very beginning stages of commitment that a prenup is expected, there is always an element of anxiety when drafting terms that will be presented for the first time. 

Enter the collaborative prenuptial agreement.  

What is a collaborative prenup? 

A collaborative prenup is all about the process. Instead of in the traditional sense, where one partner meets with their attorney to draft the agreement and then presents the draft to their partner to review for the first time, the collaborative process brings the parties together to reach agreeable terms first, before anything is drafted. The parties and their attorneys all sit in a room together and figure it out. Not all of the terms need to be finalized before the drafting can begin, but the parties get to sit and hear one another talk about some of their most vulnerable fears, and then everyone works together to creatively address those fears – one by one.  

Benefits of a collaborative prenup 

The reason I love collaborative prenups is because it gives both parties ownership of the process. When you have two parties in love and about to get married, in a room with two experienced legal minds who truly desire a happy outcome, the process is generative and fortifying for the couple. I have seen couples hold hands, laugh, hug and cry together as they imagine the wonderful ways that they can answer each other’s concerns and engage thoughtfully and creatively in constructing an agreement that will work specifically for them.  

Challenges in the collaborative process 

The collaborative process is straightforward, but not always easily accomplished. Both parties must feel comfortable sharing their viewpoints on legal issues that are largely hypothetical and often very nuanced. Both parties must feel comfortable asking questions and being vulnerable in front of their partner. More pertinently, both parties’ attorneys must be bought into the collaborative process. There can be no “hiding the ball.” The process works best when information and ideas are disclosed up-front, and everyone is prepared to listen and respond with potential solutions for the couple to consider. When all players are rowing in the same direction, magic can happen. Clients often leave the office holding hands, and this divorce lawyer is left feeling very satisfied that we will not see that client in our office for this issue again. 

Let us know if you are interested in learning more about the collaborative prenup process. We offer free consultations to find the right fit for you.